By Bill DeWahl, Staff “Writer”
In a stunning development for the academic world, sociologists nationwide came together this past weekend to release a surprising joint announcement: “This has all been one huge joke.”
According to Dr. Caitlyn Bears, a sociology professor at the University of Maine and one of the original creators of this joke, “my fellow sociologists and I were alarmed yet oddly intrigued by many of our students’ gullibility and deference to their respective professor’s ethos, so the American Sociological Association (ASA) unanimously decided to test the extent to which students would buy into crackpot sociological theories couched in pseudo-scientific jargon.”
Letting out an audible chortle, Dr. Bears continued, “This experiment was only supposed to last a short while, a year or two at most, but sociology students’ gullibility was, frankly, so hilarious that the ASA decided to milk this joke to the very last drop.”
In order to lend validity to these new crackpot theories, the members of the ASA conspired to create a joking body of work, often composed of crazy theories raised by students in class discussion, that would serve as the source material for future sociological works, leading to an exponential blossoming of radical, if not entirely unfounded, sociological theories across academia and college campuses. In turn, sociology became an academic discipline primarily justified by its own meta.
So how many sociological theories were really just a joke? According to Dr. Miguel DiQuizno, who is a sociology professor at University of Chicago, “Just about every theory that has come out in the past decade.”
Fighting back tears of laughter as he recounted all the crazy ideas his students had espoused over the years, Dr. DiQuizno explained, “Gender is a binary; privilege exists on a sui generis basis that has little to do with race or sex; and fat women need to stop blaming the ‘patriarchy’ for their inability to refrain from eating cake.”
When asked why the ASA finally decided to let up on the joke, Dr. Bartleby Santos, a sociologist at Harvard, claimed that the joke had “gone too far.”
Thinking back on the joke with a nostalgic twinkle in his eye and the slightest twitch of a smile at the corners of his mouth, Dr. Santos noted, “We almost ended the joke when people started claiming they were both genders, and once again when people began to claim they were neither gender, but it was ultimately the rise of ‘transracial’ individuals, like Rachel Dolezal and Shaun King, and the violence perpetrated by ANTIFA as of late that made us realize college students were stupid enough to turn our joke into a militarized movement.”
Current sociology majors are being encouraged to find a real major, and anthropology majors are being warned that their department is up to its own unannounced shenanigans.