As we exit another enrollment period, there was tragedy, hardship, and severe loss of sleep throughout campus. Reports are coming from across the board that the enrollment period has once again brought a devastating sweep to the College of the Holy Cross. We are saddened and troubled to report this shocking news.
There are reports of students leaving their dorms at three in the morning to score computers in Dinand and O’Kane. We are told from the field that the saddest part of it all was seeing the desperation on the faces of those that were one minute too late to camp for the night. For those that were lucky enough to make it to the safe zone, it was an incredibly boring night. Owen O’Leary ’19 states, “I’m really lucky that I was able to grab a computer. I really wanted to finish that last season of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ on Netflix but I forgot headphones in my room. Well, looks like I’m going to actually do work.” At dawn there was a sigh of relief from those who had been up defending their computers during the all-nighter. The climate in Dinand went from one of melancholy to melodrama as students began to log on, select their classes, and manage to be seconds too late to get into their preferred class. Though they had stayed up the whole night in the library, the students on computers began to feel hopeless, and an urge for coffee come about them as they left in waves from Dinand at 7:10.
We had a reporter on the scene to grab reactions from people in the midst of the chaos. Hank Slater ’19, in a state of delirium and sleep deprivation stated, “All I wanted to do was enter into a Bio 114 course. I need it for my science requirement.” This seemed to be a common sentiment throughout campus as many students were brought to tears as they saw that infamous red X. Another student, Oliver Smith ‘17 stated, “You know, you learn some things when you get to be my age. You learn that no matter how hard you try, you will never get a computer in Dinand unless you stay there for eight hours.” In a shocking turn of events, sophomore Tim Denson had a calm and collected attitude when we interviewed him. When asked for a comment about the calamity on campus, Denson responded, “Yeah I don’t know why everyone is upset. I logged on at 6:58, opened STAR, and got all 4 of my classes. It happens all the time.” The Eggplant was unable to record the rest of the interview as Denson was drowned out by loud booing at Cool Beans. Despite a couple of odd ones out, it seemed like the overall attitude on campus was one of sheer terror and dramatic behavior.
We see this every enrollment period in which students try so hard, but in the end it doesn’t really matter. As we close, we want to give you some advice for next time around. For starters, get an Ethernet cable to save time and get sleep. Remember it’s not the end of the world if you don’t get into your class, just email the professor like hundreds of other students are doing. There’s strength in numbers! Lastly, make sure you get around to open enrollment. It’ll save you from stress. So, from all of us here at The Eggplant we hope you had a merry Enrollment Period and a happy mixture of 8 AM’s and night classes.