Student Mourns Loss of Instagram-Worthy Campus

The changes in the seasons always bring new promises and holidays, yet they also bring a sense of aesthetic depression. As the days grow shorter and the weather gets colder, nearly three million Americans suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, throughout the duration of every winter, typically lasting from late November to early April. Minor symptoms include a lack of social media activity, sadness because of lack of color in one’s surroundings, and an increased desire for attention, while more serious symptoms include depression due to lack of photogenic weather, paranoia that the sun will never rise, and kidney failure. Recently, a particular strain of SAD has infected the Holy Cross campus, infecting a total of 393 students, with the number only rising as the first snow arrives on campus.

As autumn comes to a close and the brilliantly-colored foliage begins to die, many students on campus have found themselves mourning the loss of prime Instagram photo opportunities. These students will no longer be able to capture the multitude of colors growing across Fenwick or O’Kane, and the cold weather hinders their outfit choices. “It’s just so sad, you know?” said a sophomore resident of Clark who wishes to remain anonymous, as she wiped away tears with one hand, and held a pumpkin spice latte in the other. “I had been averaging around 300 likes per Insta, and now without the fall aesthetic, I’m scared I’m going to dip below 200!” While this student’s affliction may make it seem as though SAD only infects females, around 43% of those who have symptoms of SAD are actually male.  “It totally ruins the vibe of a photo,” said a male freshman, as he stood in front of his “Saturdays are for the Boys” flag in Wheeler. “How are people supposed to know how cool my bros and I are if we have to wear coats over our shep shirts?” he said, as he tried to take a picture of a tree outside Alumni as dozens of yellow leaves fell off of it. “What? What the heck is a SAD?” quoted a confused Eggplant editor Stephan Duncan, whose initials ironically spell out to be SAD. “No, I don’t have Instagram, and get that camera out of my face! What is wrong with you?” he exclaimed as his privacy was being violated.

As it is only November, these deeply affected students may have to wait until December, or even January, to return to their New England collegiate aesthetic by posting pictures of a snow-covered campus. Some may even have to wait until close to the end of the school year to return to wearing brightly colored shorts and midcalves. Father Boroughs could not be reached for a statement regarding the epidemic, but his office did say they are searching for enough grief counselors to handle the widespread emotional damage and in efforts to contain the panic regarding a lack of red, orange and green foliage on campus. While the tidings of Christmas will placate the symptoms for a few weeks, those showing symptoms of SAD are encouraged to use seasonal snapchat filters as a way to cope with both seasonal changes and a lack of social media attention.

 

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