Rev. Philip L. Boroughs, S.J., president, to Fly Campus Flags at Half-Mast after Brangelina Split

Rev. Philip L. Boroughs, S.J., president, who is deeply affected by the news of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s split, is requesting that all American flags on campus fly at half-mast for a grace period of six days, with one day for each of their children. The news broke early last week that Jolie filed for divorce, officially ending their twelve-year relationship that began while Pitt was still married to Jennifer Aniston.

When asked to comment on his decision, Fr. Boroughs released the following statement: “Brangelina was a couple that truly embodied our mission statement, ‘Men and women for and with others.’ They were brilliant actors, generous philanthropists, and quite frankly, just two gorgeous people. I would like to echo what Adele said the day the news broke: it truly is ‘the end of an era.’ Maddox, Zahara, Shiloh, Pax, Knox, and Vivienne, you are all in our hearts today and every day.”

The other Jesuits are not so pleased with the flag decision, as the vast majority are unwaveringly “Team Aniston” and do not condone the memorialization of Brangelina. Of the 26 members of the Jesuit Community, 19 are Team Aniston and six are Team Jolie. Says one Jesuit, “Tensions are high in Ciampi Hall [the Jesuit residence building on campus], but we are seeking comic relief through the thousands of Aniston memes that are flooding the internet as we speak. They really help bring closure to the decade-long situation.” However, Fr. Boroughs does not condone the spread of these memes, claiming that they exploit Jolie’s pain and are in bad taste.

There will be a moment of silence held on campus this Sunday at noon, and Fr. Boroughs is commissioning a memorial service to be held on the Hoval. He hopes that students will use this time to pay their respects towards the former couple and asks that all Team Aniston members refrain from attending. If anyone is interested in saying a few words of remembrance at the ceremony please contact him by Saturday. Free Team Jolie tees and DVD copies of “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” will be provided for all those who attend.

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